Getting healthcare (SNS) number at Centro de Saude da Lapa (Lisbon) + NISS in Evora

I posted a longer version of this on Google Maps, but they just completely removed the entire health care center from Google Maps and just replaced it with a “fresh” one to get rid of the 1-star after 100’s of 1-star reviews.

Basically, to be able to access the public healthcare system, you need a “numero de utente” or SNS number. No Portuguese information online is accurate or up-to-date or consistent about how to get it. Every health center in Portugal does this differently. There is no fixed process for this.

I ended up just going to the center to ask how to do this. Instructions:

1. Day 1: hi, how do I get an SNS number? Instructions:

2. Come back tomorrow at 6:30 AM. We only hand out 10 SNS numbers per day, so be early. If you’re > number 11 in line, just go home.

3. Day 2: Wait until 7:00 AM till we open the gate. We’ll write down your number.

4. Come back at 14:30 PM with all your documents.

5. *wait for an hour after arriving on time*

6. “we’re missing one document that we didn’t tell you to bring” Certificado de Residencia da uniao Europeia. K, bye, try again another day, good luck.

7. Day 3: repeat all of the above. Basically wasting 2 to 3 full days on this (plus all the days required to get the stack docs in the first place).

After this I had to go get my NISS number: social security number that you MUST have to be able to contribute to social security (which is mandatory as a freelancer). This was even harder than the above.

I used an app called Siga that you can use to see waiting times at government entities around the country (massive live hack). Waiting times in Lisbon: 6+ hours to be attended. So I decided to make a mission out of it and went to an office with a waiting time of only 10 to 20 minutes: EVORA (a couple of hours away, worth it).

Long story short: a full 8 hour day of running around to arrange paper work. NOBODY could tell me exactly what paperwork was needed until I started handing in paperwork and stuff turned out to be missing, rinse repeat like 3x. Again, no trace of anything consistent on government websites explaining how to do this. Every single social security office does this differently and demands different paperwork and probably use different versions of the same form, etc.

I could go on and on and on.

Random anecdote to end the rant: while in line at “Loja do Cidadao” to register for some online login system I was told by some Portuguese people, that people literally rent out their BABIES to give you priority in line (parents with babies get priority). Welcome to the 3rd world.